He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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