Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
