you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm both gender and math confused
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
