all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
