I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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