I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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