My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
