I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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