did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
