You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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