My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
