I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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