32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
