Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
tequila makes me forget i have legs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
