Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
