I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
