So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need a beard to bite.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
