the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
