i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
