my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
