She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
