she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
