somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
