I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
