Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
