dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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