omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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