his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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