He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need moral support for this bender
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
