the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
