Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
