I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
