making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
