and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
