At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
