dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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