i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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