I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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