last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
