Im at strip club and am horny
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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