never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
