You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
