I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
