Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
