You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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