we have pet lesbian snakes
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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