Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
