That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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