dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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