and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
