I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
