Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
