I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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