I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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