there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
