I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
