I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
