don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
