well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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