i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
a search helicopter?!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
