Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
