last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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