My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
