Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
