Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
