I can't watch pbs sober anymore
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
bring money and cleavage
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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