rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
