My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
