Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
