just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
