i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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