im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
