dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
