The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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